A year into this pandemic and I can tell you one thing that has kept me level-headed, focused, and productive… Boundaries.
Setting boundaries from when I take personal phone calls and reply to texts to scheduling a few days off every month.
Were others ok with this? Sometimes. Did people question it? Yes.
But did I follow through? Absolutely.
Your energy and your time is the most precious resource. Guard it all costs.
Creating concrete boundaries can help you prevent burnout, protect your energy and keep you in alignment with what matters but first, we must get clear on what it is and where we need to place them.
If we look at the dictionary, it would say a boundary is a “dividing line” or a “limit.”
I think of boundaries as a two-fold concept. A boundary we place on ourselves and a boundary we place to ensure other folks respect our requests.
It’s a tool that prevents violation of our own needs (physical, emotional, etc) and is a clear request of someone else with a consequence that I’m willing to follow through on with love and peace.
You may think of consequences as a negative thing, but this type of consequence is to help you follow through on your boundaries. This lets the other person know what you need and ensures they hold up their end of the bargain.
We assume people know how to honor our boundaries, without ever voicing them. Then we get upset at them for continuing the same actions.
When we don’t enforce the boundary, we end up hurting ourselves and the other person in the process.
It sounds easy, but why do we find it so hard to enforce boundaries?
Many of us never learned how to place boundaries because no one taught us. What we witnessed in our childhood and in our homes impact how we view boundaries.
And it’s easier to not place the boundary out of fear of upsetting someone or ruffling the feathers in a particular relationship. We think keeping the peace will be easier than speaking up and voicing our needs depending on what we’ve experienced in the past.
If we have zero awareness for what we need and value in our life, it’s difficult to place a boundary to honor those spaces.
So where do we begin with setting boundaries?
Do a boundary audit:
What are my current boundaries and have I enforced them?
Where else in my life do I need to place boundaries?
Relationships
Work
Recreation
What do I gain when I place and enforce my boundaries?
Peace
Space
Time
Energy
Once you get clear on where you need to place boundaries, it’ll be easier to set them, enforce them and follow through.
When we place boundaries, it frees us up from a constant state of stress, hurriedness, and overwhelm because it gives us clear direction on what matters in our lives.
Boundaries helps us gain time, space and energy back that once was going to other things, appointments and people.
While you’ve heard it numerous times that we can’t control other people and situations, what we can control is our responses to life and others.
When you find yourself struggling to keep the boundary, remember what the benefits are.
You stand in your own power, speak your truth and share with others the power of honoring your own needs. You gain peace of mind, focus and clarity.
When we learn to trust ourselves and what we need, we teach others to do the same for themselves.
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Go slay the day! I believe in you.